i’m not through with you yet
I’ll never forget the first time someone spoke to me about character growth. I was home from a short-term mission trip to Ethiopia I took right after my freshman year of college. I planned on using the remaining time in the summer to help out the youth group of my church. The youth pastor and I had finished talking about what my role would be that summer, and then he said, “you know what this time in your life is about, J. Thomas? It’s about growing in character.” I simply nodded in agreement, not knowing what he meant or how to respond. Then after a few moments of thoughtful consideration, I built up the courage to ask him, “Pastor, do you see anything specific in my character that needs to be worked on?” He sensed that I was feeling hurt by the suggestion that I needed to work on my character, and affirmed me that there was nothing specific he saw, but that it was just a general statement about God’s purpose for me. Relieved that there were no blatant character flaws, I let that comment slide to the vaults of my mind, not to be pondered about until another time.
I began to learn what he meant when I returned to school a couple of months later with an overwhelming desire to start a Bible study on the topic of missions. Over the previous two summers I attended life-changing seminars and retreats on the topic of missions. Their impact was reinforced by my recent trip to Ethiopia. I wanted to teach the same lessons I learned to the Christian community at my college: that God has a passionate heart for every nation, tribe, and ethnic group on this planet (missions).
Since I desire to make this Bible study accessible to all the Christians on campus, I decide to offer the study through the sponsorship of the largest Christian organization on campus rather than through the smaller fellowship I am most actively involved in. I e-mail my proposal to the bible study coordinator of the larger fellowship, and a few days later I receive an e-mail from the student director of the group asking to meet with me so that we could talk about my Bible study proposal. I sense from his e-mail that the leadership has reservations about my starting a Bible study on missions. A few days later, I find myself waiting for that meeting in my dorm lounge. I pray to prepare myself for our meeting, and after a few minutes of our conversation, I discover that my intuition is correct.
The student director tells me that they don’t feel like they know me well enough to be a Bible study leader. He asks, “Why do you want to lead this bible study through this particular organization, rather than the one you’re more involved with?” Ultimately, he regretfully tells me that the organization doesn’t have formalized standards for selecting Bible study leaders, and that he cannot give a better explanation except that they feel like they don’t know me well enough. I politely accept the student director’s answer, but nonetheless I am still discouraged in my spirit. As I pray in my room later that night, I remember hearing something from God, that I will never forget.
In my heart, I feel like God is telling me, “I’m not through with you yet.” Two years prior, God birthed in me an incredible and passionate vision for world missions after understanding through the Bible how passionate God is for every person on this planet. My recent experience in Ethiopia continued the amazing transforming work in my heart, and God is telling me that he is not yet done transforming my heart. I feel him saying to me, “I’m more interested in you, than in how I can use you.” God is more interested in building up my heart than in my service to him by leading a Bible study.
This revelation is not the easiest to receive, but months later after I finally do have an opportunity to begin a Bible study on missions on my campus, I recognize God’s love for me. He wasn’t interested in my service, he was interested in me. During my desert season of waiting for God’s timing for me to begin a bible study on missions, his purpose was to build me up and spur my growth toward maturity as a Christian.
I want to teach. God wants me to learn.
God is changing my heart and bringing me to the place where he could use me most effectively as I develop intimacy with him. God desires for me to pursue intimacy with Himself, and not the emotional highs I get from being a useful worker. During the rest of that school year, I learn how to spend time with God daily by meditating on Scripture and praying. I develop a discipline to start my day in devotion to Him. I want to teach, God wants me to learn.
As I learned in Ethiopia, I was not in that country as much as a worker, but as witness, seeing what God is doing in that country and in His church. Benching me from leading a Bible study was the most love-filled thing God could have done for me, at the time for this Christian who received so much of his identity and self-worth from doing church work, rather than from my relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
Desert seasons may be times to take a step back from Christian service, or any type of service work we might be a part of. The focus in any season, but especially in desert seasons is to allow God to say to us, “I’m more interested in you. I want your heart, not your service.” God is passionate about our heart-character.
Observation - Has anyone ever talked to you about character growth? What was your reaction?
Understanding - What will help you receive more of God into you life?
Application - What was the last thing you remember God directing you to do? Do it.
