Drink a glass of water. That was as much as I could handle. When my friend first gave me this writing prompt, I had no idea how to write about this topic from my personal experience. I was depressed and had a hard time getting out of bed, taking a shower, or brushing my teeth.

My process of change occurred over a 17-year marriage. I was a child when I got married and a man by the time I got divorced. My change was an evolution, not an event. Before I consider the next tangible step in my evolution, I reflect on how far I’ve come. Over the course of 3 years in divorce, I lost my wife, my job, my life savings, my house, and my child. Over 17 years of marriage, I lost myself. Over the last year, I found myself.

I first heard these words 20 years ago during my first psychiatric hospitalization in 2005. It was a scary place to be because I didn’t know what was going on. I had been extra spiritual in the previous months but somehow that led me here. I met a young man named Stephen who had been around the block a few times. He understood what it was like to be diagnosed and managing a serious mental illness. I did not. I asked him, “what are your goals in life?” He responded with two words, “Forward Motion.” I didn’t ask what he meant by that or for him to elaborate. There was an unspoken understanding.

I have a praise report to share with y’all. First, I want to thank all of you who have been walking with me on this journey. Thank you for your support and prayers. For those who don’t know, I have been struggling with surrendering my will to God when it has come to my custody litigation to have my parental rights restored. Like Jacob, I have been wrestling with God in the desert.

The Apostle Paul writes in first Corinthians:

“No eye has seen, and no ear has heard, and no mind has ever conceived. The glorious things that God has prepared for everyone who has believed.”

My dad is in the glorious place that was prepared for him while we have sweet memories of him.

My fondest memory of my dad is when I was 13 years old. ..

The short answer is that Sustaining Grace is the person of the Holy Spirit. But like the Israelites, they could not take the shortcut into the Promised Land but wandered around in the desert, taking a long circuitous route, to arrive at their final destination. We’re about to make a similar journey, but I promise that it won’t take 40 years.

The process by which the new paradigm causes a transformation in the person’s life is known as Sanctifying Grace. Again, many look to changes in behavior and actions to point the presence of Sanctifying Grace, literally becoming more holy. However, this process is the inner change of becoming a new person and maturing in character which occurs below the surface. Many Christians describe this part of relating to God as becoming more Christ-like.

Saving Grace is the heart of the gospel, what I have termed, “the essential message of Christianity.” This is traditionally what distinguishes a believer from a non-believer, a Christian from a non-Christian. It’s summarized in a cute acronym for G.R.A.C.E. - God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense.

Multiple ways of describing GRACE help differentiate specific ways God RELATES to us during various points in our spiritual journey. Faith traditions, denominations, and individual theologians have added descriptors to color this understanding. The categories are useful, but it’s not necessary to conform to any one set of terms.

Daniel Tiger sings, “When you’re feeling frustrated… Take a step back! And ask for help.” I have a few more thoughts on this though. Take a look.

At a recent book club where we discussed “what do do when I’m feeling frustration,” our group got to a deeper level and identified the secondary emotion that can arise from frustration - bitterness. Frustration can come from a blocked goal, but bitterness is an indication that we were relying or depending on that goal for something I feel is essential.

My youth pastor in the early 90s tried to teach our youth group about “critical race theory.” I was in 10th grade, and although he never used these particular buzz words, he explained to me that I was a racist. We were all racists. He was a seminarian at Drew University, working toward his Master of Divinity but majored in sociology as an undergrad. So a bunch of middle school and high schoolers, all being Korean-American mind you, were being taught about systemic racism.

Connecting with God is like finding your next favorite song of all-time.

Imagine you listen to the radio as you go about your day. You enjoy the music, but then somewhere, one song really catches your ear. You can’t wait for them to play it again. You need to KNOW the ARTIST behind the music. You sing along and engage with the song. Then you go deeper and find the LYRICS online. You read them and are amazed by the poetry of the song on a whole new level.

I definitely do NOT have the gift of healing. Whenever my wife is sick with a cold, she asks me to pray for her. Actually, when she feels like a cold is coming on, we pray preventive prayers that she would not get sick. Inevitably, she gets sick, and we pray for a speedy recovery. The result – extra two weeks of runny noses and achy muscles. Then, we pray for complete healing, and the cold gets worse, passes back and forth in our household and before you know it, she’s sick again. I pray in faith and invoke the name of Jehovah Raffa, God the Healer. I pray with persistence, with fervency, and based on Scripture and activated by love and Holy Spirit, but I do not feel confirmation in my heart that my prayers had any positive impact.

Spiritual dryness is a personal experience characterized by feeling distant from God, where regular channels for connection such as praying, reading spiritual literature, and participating in community are ineffective. Most people reading this article are familiar with the school of thought that is upheld by mainstream evangelical Christianity.

On the road…

Growing up, my youth pastor liked giving sermons about the resurrection leading up to Christmas, and Christmas sermons on Easter Sunday. He was funny that way. Admittedly, I did appreciate hearing a message on the reason Jesus came to earth leading up to the day that celebrates his birth. As I prepare my heart for Christmas, the Advent season is the journey leading up to the blessed day. This reminds me of the many great experiences that biblical figures have on their journeys or “on the road” to somewhere. Today, I reflect on two of Jesus’ followers shortly after Jesus’ death and resurrection on the road to Emmaus in Luke 24.

The assigned reading in my religion class was Elie Wiesel’s Night. A few pages in, this college sophomore found a profound gem. I can’t find the exact quote, but some passage led me to realize that I can’t explain the meaning of another person’s suffering. To impose or even suggest a reason for why another human being or group of people endured evil was an act of cruelty.

Improving my conscious contact with God and gaining spiritual discernment is a question that I’ve been mulling over as a member of a 12-step group for recovering addicts for the last 10 years and as a Christian for the last 27 years.

In 12-step fellowship, we say that we “work the program” and we “work the steps.”

Yes and No. The principle of the Law of Attraction is in the Bible. The principle is setting my mind on what the Spirit desires (Romans 8:5). This is the "how" of living by the Spirit. I can focus my attention and say, "Holy Spirit, you desire that I receive recognition at work." No action required. If I'm setting my mind, then I am living by the Spirit. I am practicing the law of attraction. Something will materialize or “manifest” — an award, a public thank you, or a promotion.