My process of change occurred over a 17-year marriage. I was a child when I got married and a man by the time I got divorced. My change was an evolution, not an event. Before I consider the next tangible step in my evolution, I reflect on how far I’ve come. Over the course of 3 years in divorce, I lost my wife, my job, my life savings, my house, and my child. Over 17 years of marriage, I lost myself. Over the last year, I found myself.

There are two ways change occurs. Change is not always something that you actively do, but something that circumstances do to you. I had no alternative but to change in the face of immense hardships, heartbreak, and suffering. It takes as much bravery to endure these trials as it does to act upon them. Next, change is the action you take, the next right step to exert influence over your circumstances. To make things happen. However, the change that occurs in both situations will be change in yourself, first and foremost, over a tangible change you see in the world around you.

 Consider the story of a man who was called by God to push a huge boulder up a steep hill. He pushed and pushed, and it would not budge. God called him to this same task day after day. After some time, he cried to the heavens asking, “Why have you called me to a task that you knew was impossible? I’ve spent all my energy and strength and made no progress. I believe that I have rolled backwards from where I started.” God spoke to the man, “Take a look at your arms and your legs. Look at the muscles that have formed. Look at your chest and the growth and see how hardened it is. Examine your willpower and see how you’ve persevered and did not give up.” As the man understood the true purpose of his task, God picked up the boulder and move it away.

There’s comfort in the status quo. Especially, when the circumstances for change seem impossibly overwhelming. Few initiate the effort because they see the boulder and are discouraged before they even get out of bed. We all struggle with this on some days. The key to pushing on that rock every day is to fix our eyes on the inner transformation that will occur and not the potential results we are trying to achieve. That is progress.

In my efforts to rebuild my life after complete destruction, I have grown in character and relationships. The change that occurred in me was a fortitude and persevering spirit that will not break. The change that occurred in my circumstances is the number and depth of relationships that I’ve cultivated as I relied on the support of family and friends to buttress me up during this time when I was too weak to stand on my own.

 Change is for the brave because it requires a shift in perspective. You may not get your desired outcome but will evolve in to the man or woman you were called to be.